“You know what would make Synchronized Swimming better?” said my husband from his Olympic-Watching Place on the couch. “Sharks,” he went on. “I mean, these people have been doing the same thing for years. Let’s challenge them a little.”
This is part 2 of his Olympic Revisionist ideas. During the last winter Olympics, he suggested that Figure Skating might be pepped up a bit by allowing bears on the ice. And though of course I laughed and told him he was ridiculous, I have to admit I’d like to see it. Maybe not for singles, but definitely all those fake-passionate doubles. Will you fight off that bear to save your partner, Mr. or Mrs. Spanglepants? Well? Will you? Oh, you’re waiting for the key change? Good idea.
Do these thoughts make us the worst people in the world? Maybe. But in this age of Extreme Everything, it would not surprise me in the least to see some crazy things in the Olympics 20 years from now. We can only hope that it won’t get mixed up with celebrity culture, which might lead to such horrors as Fastest Posting of a Selfie, or Run from the Horde of Duggars Before They Make You One of Them.
All of this, of course, is incredibly easy to say from a cushy chair. Lots of training goes into performing those bizarre dances at the beginning of a synchronized swimming event, and if I were to try it myself I’d likely traumatize the globe. I hope I’m wrong about the direction of the world. But just in case, I’m looking for investors in a company that makes gold, silver and bronze prostheses. If I turn out to be right, I’ll take all of us to go live on an island with no media outlets, where we can eat coconuts and pretend it’s not happening.
I know for sure the husbands will be sharing some great ideas at the campfire nightly.